Drunk & Wordy...

Yep I just said wordy. I'm 99% sure this is not an actual word but hey it goes with the blog name right? Lack of employment means lack of crafty funds so I have turned to less costly creativity.

I'm writing again and most importantly feeling inspired to do so again. I have no idea if this is going to take me anywhere or if it will remain just another venue to express myself. Either way it feels damn good.
I don't have a solid idea of plot yet, more just a vague notion of emotions and situations my characters have to go through to get them where they need to be.

My biggest motivation really for all of this is that I am so tired of trying to find good books. I am a very picky reader. I read multiple reviews on different websites, browse goodread's recommendation and spend hours just picking out my next read. I go through all that work only to find myself disappointed again and again.

I love stories that are character driven. I want to see the transformation of a character and I want to FEEL as they struggle to over come and grow. I love stories that are dark and but beautiful and hopeful still. I want action, struggle, pain, blood, tears, but poignancy and moments of joy too. I know, it is a tall order.

Some of the authors and series that have accomplished this are Karen Marie Moning's Fever Series. I sort of want to be Mac when I grow up. Minus the fascination with pink though. ;) This story is about transformation and I love that there is no real villain or hero. This whole series is great at capturing moments of utter despair and giving up along side far more moments of joy and triumph. A book that makes me laugh, cry, and heart speed up in always a keeper.

I'm also a huge fan of Kresley Cole's Immortals After Dark series. There are a lot of books in the series and again it has that wonderful contrast that I love. Imagine bad ass women and some men capable of ruling the world if they so choose but instead are witty and funny and very tongue in cheek. I can't wait for Nucking Futs Nix to finally get her story.

I tried a light heart comedic romance for the first time recently called Wallbanger by Alice Clayton. Mostly when reading, I chuckle more in my head then out loud. With this one I actually giggle/snorted a few times. The lead is perfectly ridiculous and funny. During a few of her melt downs I thought to myself that if I were to ever just left my rage go, this is exactly what I would say in her situation too. Plus the need to give people nicknames is very much something I do too when I don't actually know someones name. Haha. Seeing Wallbanger and Pink Nightie Girl go head to head was great.

Now back to writing, I so rarely find gems like Wallbanger anymore. And I can only re-read and/or re-listen to a book so many times. I think it is time for me to step in. I'm going to write a book. It is finally going to happen from start to finish.

In the past I would be overcritical and just give up on a project. This time I'm just going for it. I don't care if no one sees it but my Mom and best friends or if I self publish. I am going to write THE book I've always wanted to read.

Here is all I have so far. It isn't much and I've expanded further since I wrote this late last night but this is just the beginning. I can't wait to see where these characters take me next. Please any feed back is always welcomed.

Once upon a time a girl fell in love with a monster…

When I was small and afraid I would lay awake at night and count my heart beats. It is a practice that I never left behind.

“I love you,” he said softly standing before me.

I could see the utter sincerity in his eyes. I could feel the complexity and endless depth of emotion within the deceivingly simple words. His voice ran over me, so familiar and I could feel my body leaning in towards him.

I knew this man. I knew how the hollows of his body felt against my own. I knew the way the skin on his neck smelled. I knew what if felt like when his lips curve into a smile as he kissed me. I knew that his hands, which had dealt so much death could also be gentle and warm and fit around mine perfectly. I knew that he could make me laugh until I hurt and he had a quiet intelligence that burned brightly. From the first moments his very being called to me. It was as if on a deep before unknown level, I was pulled towards him. 

I am imperfect person and despite everything I couldn’t fight myself anymore. I stepped towards him and let my body rest into his and just like I remembered, my head fit perfectly into the hollow between his collar bones. I could feel his heartbeat against my check and smell his clean scent and my mind was too full of memories.

I felt my shoulders start to tremble as I tried to hold back my tears and I let my arm snake around his back pulling him closer. My hand fisted against his worn shirt drinking in his warmth.  I finally looked up at him and took in his face. Dark unruly hair, unshaven firm jaw, soft full lips, his nose that never healed straight after too many fights, and his eyes. I knew his eyes the best. Drowning brown with a thick fringe of lashes.

He stared at me nervous and afraid when nothing but a breath separated us.  I could see that he had made the decision to trust me and finally his mouth met mine on an exhale. His warm beautiful hands grasped my face softly and I knew that I called out to him just as strongly. But I felt the trembling in my shoulders start to travel to the rest of my body, down into my hands and legs and knew I had ran out of time.

 “I have always and will always love you,” I finally whispered back against his lips. I couldn’t let him see the tears that were flowing free so I rested my forehead against his. I needed more time. Another second, another minute. A whole lifetime of moments. I wanted forever with his man. “Always.” I finished barely able to make myself say the words.

I opened my eyes and looked into his.  We were so close together that I could feel his long eyelashes flutter against my cheek. I watched his eyebrows raise in surprise as a plunged the dagger I had hid behind his back, into his side. And then I twisted it just like he taught me.

His weight fell into me as we both sank to the ground and I dropped the bloody dagger. His eyes never left mine and when he tried to speak, a bubble of blood was all that came out.

“Shhh,” I soothed. “Don’t try to talk. I love you so much and I am so sorry, please please forgive me. It wasn’t supposed to end this way! We were supposed to have more time!” I finished hysterically.

I wanted to scream, and I wanted to rip my hair out and wail out my fury and despair. All I could do though was hold the man I loved and look into the face I betrayed. He couldn’t speak but his eyes never accused, never condemned, he just started up at me.

I just stabbed the man I loved. I just killed him. I killed him. Oh god I killed him. My mind raced and I took a deep breath to calm myself. Focus and count his heart beats. Just count his heart beats you are not done yet. This isn't over yet. Just count his heart beats to get through this. Just like you did when you were little, I told myself silently.

“Nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen.” I stuttered out.

His blood pooled around us on the floor, warm while his body went cold and the light in his eyes died.

His eyes never left mine and I wanted to lie down next to him and die too. But I couldn't, I couldn't because I wasn't done yet. Oh God I wanted to be done. Hadn't I done enough? Hadn't I given enough, Hadn't we given enough. 

No. I had to go. I had to go now and finish this or all of this was for nothing. 

I closed my eyes and counted my heat beats until they slowed. I pushed my rage, my despair so deep inside me and let it light me up and burn. I stopped shaking. I stopped crying. The person I was before no longer existed. The last thing remaining human about me bled out on the floor along with him. . I gently moved him off me and forced myself to stand and to walk away.

This wasn't over yet. 

…and they did not live happily ever after. At least not yet…

Cha-Cha-Changes...

I wanted to do a real quick update to share just a few things. I will be posting a few real quick crafts I did this last month and also share a few personal items.

First off the month of March was a very crafty month indeed. I did cut off the tops of a few beer bottles to use in a future project. I made a Tardis Top Hat for a friends Doctor Who Tea Party Bridal Shower, I painted my shoes to match the dress and hat, did a wood photo collage transfer for my boyfriends Birthday/our 1st anniversary present and I made a Bride and Groom Survival kit. These are going to be quick posts showing the end results and the few I took in the process of. IF someone actual stumbles across this blog and wants more information, please just leave a comment and I would be more then happy to go further in depth.

First up is taking a large sized beer bottle and using a glass cutter to remove the top. I have a few projects in the near future that I will be using the bottles for.

Nifty labeled beer bottle provided by the lovely boyfriend.

After washing the bottle out well and drying it completely, follow the instructions for your glass cuter to etch a like around where you want the bottle to separate from the neck.

Here is a closer look at the etched bottle. 

I was too busy handling boiling water to capture the next part so I am just going to briefly explain. You can use your coffee pot of just boil a pan of water and transfer the boiling water into a large measuring cup or boil water in a tea kettle. Either way get very hot or boiling water into some kind of container that is easy to pour from. Put on safety glasses and turn on the water in your sink to the coldest temp in a steady trickle. Take the bottle in one hand and your container with boiling water in the other and while barely rotating the bottle, dribble a bit of the hot water right on top of the etching. You can actually see the glass fog when it heats up and then drip on ice cold water on it next. Keep doing this back and forth between hot and cold while slowly rotating the bottle. Eventually the glass will stress enough around the etching and break away cleanly. If you find it is cracking outside the etching then your water it too hot and you need to turn the temp down. When you are done, let the glass cool down and use fine grit sandpaper to sand away the sharp edges. These can be used for beer drinking glasses, candles, vases and a million other things.

Next up is my Tardis Top Hat. Again I was so caught up on crafting that I didn't get  chance to take that many photos. Start by taking a piece of string and cut it to the circumference you there you want the hat to rest on your head. Find a round object with a very similar circumference. I was a big head so I actually was able to use a pan for myself. I then traced a perfect circle onto some cardboard. Then found a slightly smaller bowl to trace a smaller circle inside the larger one.   

The bigger circle will be the brim and the smaller circle will be cut out and this is here your head should fit.

I don't have any picture for this next part you will then take more thick paper or card stock to make the top hat part. This is just my card stock pieces taped together to see if the proportions looked good on me. I ended up shortening the height of the hat by quite a bit.

I knew I wanted the very top of the hat to have a dip in it so I free handed a pattern where the bottom edge was perfectly straight and then made the top have peaks and valleys. I then traced big circle, small circle, and top hat pieces on to a yoga mat. I cut them all out with a exact o knife and then used contact cemement to glue the straight edged part of the top hat to the inside of the brim and then the smaller circle to make up the top. I let this dry for about a half hour.

Here it is after painting it blue, adding lace, feathers, pocket watch, and glass squares for the windows, and black ribbon for the Police Box sign.

There will be a better photo of the complete project since I had my boyfriend help me by painting the Police Box sign later.

And then I made a survival kit of my soon to be Bride and Goom friends. Just take a cheap dollar store bucket, paint it the color of your choice. I then made the labels and card inside using PicMonkey.com. I LOVE this site. It is free for the basic version and extremely user friendly. I then had my printables printed at Fed Ex Office and then bought a bunch of small items that I thought would be handy the day of the wedding.

I added write ribbon to the top and bottom after gluing on the label. I then added all the items and made it pretty and done! I did the same for the Bride's kit.

And then there were shoes! I needed blue shoes to match my blue dress but didn't want to buy shoes because I was poor. I swear acrylic paint solves everything. I just painted the shoes the color I needed. I didn't seal them or anything either and they have yet to run, even in water.

Here was wood photo transfer collage for my boyfriend. I was too impatient and removed the paper too early causing not everything to stick properly. This is the the only picture I have and it is before I gave the project some TLC.

I ended up sanding the edges further and then took distressed ink on a cotton ball to even out the color and give the whole project the "I meant it to look all vintage and wonderful.." look. I sealed it with some Mod Podge and I was done.


The collage was made on PicMonkey as well....I LOVE LOVE that website.

So yes, lots of crafty and fun times. I had some other plans in the works for more upcoming projects but was let go from my job last week unexpectedly. I have a lot of things in flux and my projects do require me buying materials, so those are put on hold for now.

Thank goodness for my friends, boyfriend, and family. Without them I would be loosing my ever loving mind at this point. I do plan on still posting here more regularly but future posts are probably going to be geared more to book reviews, writing and general musing.

It is almost 3am and this girl is tired so that is all for now.

Until next time...

-Candis